Office Holiday Parties are upon us.... if you need help with awkward moments and want to make your co-workers laugh, Haddock & Associates has your back. Here are some jokes we found online that we think are worthy of holiday party usage.
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Order of Operations
The VP of Business Development, the CFO, and the President of a company are on their way to lunch when they stumble upon a beat up, but valuable looking brass container.
The VP picks it up and starts cleaning it with his handkerchief. Suddenly, a genie emerges out of a curtain of purple smoke. The genie is grateful to be set free and offers them each a wish.
The CFO is wide-eyed and ecstatic. She says, “I want to be living on a beautiful beach in Spain with a sailboat and enough money to make me happy for the rest of my life.”
Poof! She disappears.
The VP says, “I want to be happily married to a wealthy supermodel with penthouses in London, Paris, and NYC.”
Presto! He vanishes.
“And how about you?” asks the Genie, looking at the President.
The boss scowls and says, “I want both those idiots back in the office by 2 PM.”
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replies the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor is shocked but agrees to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
The owner of a company tells his employees:
“You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I‘m giving everyone a check for $5,000.”
Thrilled, the employees gather around and high five one another.
“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks!”
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, one older worker had had enough.
“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”
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